Courtroom Questions

Questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and responses given by insightful witnesses.

Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"

5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

6. "Did he kill you?"

7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"

10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"

11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"

12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: "I went to Europe, sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"

14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male or female?"

16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."

17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."

19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."

21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood."

22. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A: "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so sure, doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

Ekta returns

Once Mickey & Donald Had a fight between them...

Donald threw Mickey On the Wall....


Mickey Immediately started writing "RAMAYAN"
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Why???
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Because
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He Became:
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WALL-Mickey

(Note: for those who don't know the Epic, Walmiki is the author/poet(Adi-Kavi) of the Great RAMAYAN)

Deadly PJ's

Brad Pitt and Vidya Balan get married......................


After marriage, lots of students gather at their home .....




why ???




................. because her name becomes Vidya Pitt (vidyapeeth)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- rahul gandhi --> mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paaa rahi.........


.........


.........

.........

......


sonia gandhi --> kyun beta????????

????????

????? ???????????


rahul gandhi --> har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- BRUCE LEE was a great man.But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man


... why?


Because he becameMAMU LEE!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- santa and banta r discussing

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santa----- "if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!


" Banta----- "with me it's the opposite.



if i sleep i can't drink coffee."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------One day Ravan went to a disco

.......


.........

......... ..


aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya ............


.......kyun????????


????????? ??


kyun????????


??????

bcoz it was written on the gate that "entry fee Rs.1500 per head"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- who made Ganesh to Anesh...????


ThinK......


Think......


okay.....

" KAILASH KHER "tere naam se " G " loon....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ek din ek aadmi apne naukar ko Priya Gold biscuit laane bolta hai.


To naukar biscuit laane Pakistan jaata hai.



Kyon??????


Think.......


......Give up??




Coz..."Priya Gold biscuit. Haq se maango.."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ek nadi thi...... uske upar ek pull bana hua tha.....

pull par bahut saari ladkiyan khadi thi......

sab ki sab ek hi ladke ki deewani thi.....

Guess who was the lucky guy??????


...........................Keep Guessing


.... ..........................Chalo yaar



the answer is"KISNA"Jo hai albela mad naino wala........
jiski diwani BRIDGE ki har bala...........
woh kisna hai.........
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- if a CAT crosses ur way, when u are going some where,



then what does it mean?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????

it means that the Cat is also going somewhere.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AND FINALLY THE LAST ONE

Why are Indian husbands called "MADE OF SILVER"
And Why are American husbands called "MADE OF GOLD"

Socho


Thoda Socho


Socho


Socho....



Nahi Aata Bcoz Indian wives call their husband "A g" ( Scientific Symbol for Silver)American wives call their husband "A u" ( Scientific Symbol for Gold)

PJ's from Anshika

1) Tumhari adaao pe main main vari vari,
Wah Wah....
Tumhari adaao pe main main vari vari,
Wah Wah....
Dial 139 for railway enquiry.....:)

2) Abhishek Bachchan has one sister..But he wants more n more sisters...Why?
***think think**

Dont know

coz he sings in Ravan
'Behne de mujhe Behne de.... :P

3) How do u 'cut' roads?
By laughing....coz

'Haste haste cut jaye raste' :D

4) Beer pine se phele bolte hai cheers
wah wah
Beer pine se phele bolte hai cheers
wah wah
Arey o pushpa
I hate tears :P :P

5) Arz kiya hai
Button dabane se chalu hua fan
wah
observation to dekhiye
Button dabane se chalu hua fan
I'm popeye, d sailorman
Poo Poo

6) Bhook mere mar gayi...mujhe lagti nhn pyaas..
The time period of pendulum is independent of its mass :P :D

7) Na jeene ki tamaana hai na marne ka khauf..(feelings to dekho)
Na jeene ki tamaana hai na marne ka khauf...
The no. u are trying to reach is currently switched off....;):P

8) Deadly metro shayari--
Tum pheno topi, hum pehnenge cap..
wah wah
Tum pehno topi, hum pehnenge cap....
Doors will open on the left, plz mind the gap :P :P :D:D

9) Apne gamo ko mere dost apne dil me daba lo....
Apne gamo ko mere dost apne dil me daba lo....
Naya godrej powder hair dye....
Bas kato,gholo aur lagalo.....

10) **** The oscar winning shayari****
Na iska na usko thi mere pyar ki khabar
Na iska na usko thi mere pyar ki khabar
Are mera diagram galat hogaya...
rubber de rubber...:P:D:P:D:D

Thanks,
Anshika

Password Policy

In a recent survey they found a Longest password by a person
(sorry to say but it was a sardar)...
which was as following:

Password: "GogoBondBaburaavShyamMogamboThakurSambaPremMumbai"



When asked he replied :

Password should contain combination of 8 characters and one capital in it.

Height of...

Laziness
Asking for the lift in morning walk

craziness
Get a xerox of a blank page

Honesty
Pregnant lady taking 2 tickets

De-hydration
Com giving milk powder

Hope
99 year old woman making a recharge for lifetime validity

Foolishness
A guy peeping thru' the keyhole of a glass door.

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From Ekta

PJ @ just Rs 100

Q: Agar Rs 25 main Paav Bhaaji milthi hai tho.. Rs 100 main kyaa milegaa???
..
...
....
.....
......
........

Ans: Poori Bhaaji :p


(For thos who dont understand Hindi, Paav also means Quarter, Poori is Full)

Cheers,
Vivek

Volume of cylinder

What do u call a cylinder of radius "z" units and height "a" units?
-

Pizza!!!

surprized...

(For all those who have forgot the formula for
volume of cylender it is Pi*r(square)*h)


Volume of cylinder = Pi * r * r * h

=> pi*z*z* a

= Pizza

Hence Proved.

Hitesh rocks again

A sardarji went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.

Guess why ?

Because there it was written "Number dial karne se pehele do lagae"

Balle Balle!

From Hitesh Gupta

You r alone in a boat in the middle of a vast sea and you hav 2 cigars..but no lighter..how r u goin to smoke a cigar??




Method no.1..dip one of dem in the water..so water's gonna drip 4m it..now..
tip tip barsa paani..pani ne aag lagai.....
ther's anothr way.....think...






Method no.2 ....throw one of 'em in the waer..so the boat will bcom LIGHTER..
now use the LIGHTER !!!





Method no.3 .....throw one cigar in air and catch it,,so..CATCHES WIN MATCHES...
use the Matches!!


........there's yet another method.....

fondle one of the cigar...ye dekhko..dusri cigar JALNE lagi!!!!!!!!!

Khuda Hai....

"Yaha bhi Khuda hai.. Waha bhi Khuda hai...
Oh God..!!!

Yaha bhi Khuda hai.... Waha bhi Khuda hai....
Jahaan bhi dekho.. Waha Khuda hai...
Barosa Rakho Gaalib....,
Jahaan Nahi Khuda hai.....
Waha kal Khudai ka kaam Shuru hone Wala hai...!!
Kyu ki BBMP ka Kaam Chaalu hai...!!!" :D


Dedicated to Bangalore Traffic

Cheers,
Vivek

Mist in the bus

During the recent TCoE trip to Kemmangundi, through out the trip, Mist was there in the bus and everywhere they went!!!! Why was it so..????
...
...
No... it was not because of the climate.
...

Think
...

...

Coz majority of the people who went for the trip were MISTER's (Mr)
and the team was led by the big Mr Rajesh :p

Cheers,
Vivek

Unknown author

Once upon a time, there was a family. It consisted of a husband and a wife. Both of them wanted to have a daughter. But every time the wife conceived, a son was born. Year after year, the number of sons in the family kept increasing, but a daughter was never born. As the sons started growing up, they too started yearning for a sister to play with.

After many years of trying in vain, the family finally turned to God for help. The husband, wife and all sons began praying to God for a girl to be born in their family.

Can you guess what was the song the brothers sung as a prayer?

Well.. It was the hit song from Mani Ratnam's new movie "Raavan"..

"Behne de, mujhe behne de" !!!!

Mast Opposites

Q: Whats the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?
A: Comepalakrishnan.

Q: What is the opposite of Vivekananda Swamy?
A: Vivekananda Didn't See Me.

Q: What is the Opposite of Dominos??
A: Domi doesn't know.

Q: What is the Opposite of Nagapunchmi..??
A: Naga didnt Punch me.

Q: What is the Opposite of Onion?
A: Achar (Pickle) (Onion is Peeyaaj in hindi.. Opp of Pee Aaj is Pee Kal (Pickle) = Achaar)
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Now.. most of the above u might hav already heard... Below are some new releases from our own PJ club :p

Q: What is the Present Tense of Vinitha?
A: Vini Hai ("Vini Tha" is Past tense)

Q: What is the Opposite of Rajeshwari???
A: Rajesh Dont Worry

Q: opposite of Rajat Kumar?
A: Rajat ko Mat Maar

Q: What is the Opposite of Ekta?
A: TaTaTaTaTaTaTaTaTa (Anke Ta)

Q: Opposite of Anil?
A: Many Cured (An ill)

Q: What is the Opposite of Anand Singh
A: Anand Doesn't Sing

Q: Opposite of Karthik?
A: Bike Thin

Q: What is the Opposite of Sanjay?
A: Moon aaye

Q: What is the Opposite of Shahrukh
Ans: Sha 'Jaa' OR Sha Mat Rukh

Q: Opposite of Yellow?
A: Ye Mat Low

Q: what is the Opposite of Urine?
A: U R Out

Q: opposite of Hero? (He Ro)
A: she Laugh OR She Hass

Q: opposite of Rohit?
A: Hass Flop

Q: what is the opposite of Sachin?
A: Sach Out

Q: Opposite of Dubai?
A: Do not Buy

Q: Opposite of Govinda?
A: Come Loose da

Q: Opposite of Dedicate?
A: Mummy Cat (Daddy cat)

Q: What is the opposite of Manchester United?
A: Women Backer Divided

Q: What is the opposite of Kamla?
A: Jyada La
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Now the last one..
What is the Opposite of
Q: What is the Opposite of EMC Square??

Nooooo.. its not 'EM didnt see Square'... Dont always think in the same pathetic way... Grow up... :p
A: Opposite of EMC Square is "Andra Mess" (If u dont know, then go out and check)

Cheers,
Vivek

Baal Vivaah

Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in love with each other and want to get married, but they Cannot marry...!!!

Why?????

Because under Indian laws, "Baal Vivaah" is illegal.... :D

Finally Santa Arrives

Do sardar Chess khel rahe the....

(Now stop laughing...joke aage hai...)

Santa : Chal yaar bahut hua... ab bas karte hai...

Banta : Thik hai waise bhi tumhara sirf ghoda aur mera hati hi bacha hai...

Boys & Girls - Introduction

A new lady teacher came to teach 7th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with Name and Hobby.
She said, "Let's start with the Boys first."

Boys start giving their intro...

First Boy: "My name is Rajat, and my Hobby is to see Bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting hobby. Well, Ok.”

In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok Rajat.

Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Rajesh and my hobby is to see Bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of Supporting a friend.
Ok next."

Third boy: "I'm Vikram and my hobby is to see Bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere.
Ok next."
This continues...

And the last boy stands up "I'm Madhupal and my hobby is to see Bubble in the bathtub."

Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown Boys for long… :p

Anyway, now the Girls please."

First Girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next."

Second Girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok

Next. You sweet Girl; Yes you..." The Most beautiful girl of the class:

"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three Times a day."

Ha ha ha… :D

Cheers,
Vivek

ALBIE back again

Kismat Konnection Movie ke set pe Shahid Kapoor, Albie Morkel (SA team ka allrounder) ko Bahot Maartha hai….

Aur Albie hospital mein Admit ho jatha hai.... Ab aap ko ye patha karna hai..... Shahid ne Albie ko kyu Maara??

Socho...??

Socho...??

kyon??

kyon ki.............

Remember the title Song of Kismat Konnection....

"Tuuu hai meri Soniye...

ALBIE wid u night n day.."

Shahid jealous ho jaata hai aur Albie ko maarta hai.... :D

From Vivek Kannambath

CID Reloaded shayari

(Prerequisite : Already fed up with the CID shayaris)

Ae dilruba main janata hoon tu yahi kahi hai....

Ae dilruba main janata hoon tu yahi kahi hai....

wah wah...

Ae dilruba main janata hoon tu yahi kahi hai....

Ae dilruba main janata hoon tu yahi kahi hai....

Popat bana diya popat...

ye CID waala PJ nahi hai

-Ekta Arora

From Vivek Kannambath

Abhiskhek bachchan aur Albie Morkel (SA team ka allrounder) ki bachpan se dosti thi..... gehri Dosti....
Lekin jab bhi Abhishek Bachchan, Albie Morkel se door jata... woh bimaar pad jata..
Doctor bhi kuch nahi kar paate... unhone keh diya tha..."Albie ko dawa ki nahi Abhishek ki zaroorat hai"


aisa kyu???


kyu ki..





John Abraham ne Abhishek ko Dostana main kaha tha..."jaane kyu dil jaanta hai...tu hai toh ALBIE allright...ALBIE allright"

What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ?

Ques. 1 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
Scroll Down for answer

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A TOMATO....... AND THE TRING TRING TRING WAS TO CONFUSE YOU......

Anyways... Here s one more....

Ques 2 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
Scroll Down for answer

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The DOOR BELL and the RED was to CONFUSE you......

Anyways... Here s one more....

Ques 3 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
Scroll Down for answer

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A CAKE .... and both were to confuse you....

Anyways... Here s one more....

Ques 4 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
Scroll Down for answer

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A FIRE BRIGADE OBVIOUSLY...........
AND U THOT I WAS TRYING TO CONFUSE YOU................

Scientists playing hide n seek

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven............
They decide to play hide-n-seek.........
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den...........
He is supposed to count upto 100...and then start searching.....
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.........
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it rightin front of Einstein...........

Einsteins counting......
97,98,99.....

100........

He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........
Einstein says "newtons out..newtons....out....."
Newton denies and says i am not out........
He claims tht he is not Newton......
All the scientists come out and he proves tht he is not newton..........

HOW?????????.................



His proof:
Newton says:
I am standing in a square of area 1m square.....
That means i am Newton per meter square......Hence i am Pascal....since newton per meter
square = Pascal